I don't feel very good today. Just finished the "writer meeting session" at Sollat just now.
No, no..it's not about the book club session. It is more of something personal that I am experiencing myself.
And yes, I do know as a Muslim, I should express my feelings towards Him, which I'm also doing, Inshaa Allah istiqamah dan diertingkatkan lagi di masa hadapan. Pray for me ye....
it is inevitable that sometimes we need to put our emotions/feeling in words, then one would be relieved. So that it is somehow carved in the millions of codes embodied in the blogger servers, which one day I could read it and reminisce.
I do sometimes have a kind of selective memory too, choosing to remember things that I might consider significant in my life, stored it away in my brain (or rather now, in this corpus of entry) for future reference and lesson, perchance?
Yes, I'm not happy today 'cos yesterday I uncovered something which disturbed me...well, as for now I could say that all of the efforts, I know it's not much, but then again...when the other party is not playing her part as well in return, somehow my enthusiasm for it fades away slowly..and came to a halt yesterday.
I saw that post yesterday and when I checked today..voila! Gone. Perhaps she deleted it - my good conscience would say..but based on my (little) experience, she may have hidden it, that maybe her close friends aje that could view whatever they are doing there, freely.
It's like getting a slap in the face. Reality sets in. Finally I told myself, "well Adam, maybe it is not meant to be after all...you and her"....Which is something that my cliques have told me over and over again, but over-optimistic me just ignores it and carried on. Now, I crashed....and crashed hard.
It is now finally came...the time to move on with our lives, and if there's rezeki, our paths will intersect...and perhaps there may be that hidden something.
I need someone I can throw jokes and puns, no matter how silly/cheesy/stupid/ridiculous it is, will still laugh a sincere laugh...I need someone who I can sometimes act pathetic gila when I can't take something anymore..someone whom I am comfortable with to the extent that I could just be random without being judged.....someone who'll be there with me through ups and downs.I need someone who is intelligent; a person whom I could argue about intellectual things e.g. recent issues, political ideologies, random topics/things...I need someone who could and would plot silly trolling routines on our friends and laugh together as we proceeded.......I need a partner that is both a bestfriend and a good wife (hehe *malunye*)
Keep on searching, then. It is the only way. No looking back from now on.
Nota kaki:
1. Oh, for those who aren't in the know yet, Sollat is the abbreviation for my school aka faculty which stands for 'School of Languages, Literacies and Translation'. I heart my school (awww shoo cute. lol)
2. Yes, we call them 'school' here instead of 'faculty'. In Malay, it sounds a bit mature with 'Pusat Pengajian'
3. The food that were served after the session was good though. Eden catering kotttt. om nom nom nom :3
4. I know I sound cheesy in this entry...but what the heck? It's my blog anyway. hehe....(gelak hambar)
5. There's still that rather thin ray of hope anyway, kan?
5. There's still that rather thin ray of hope anyway, kan?
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